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Margot Potter's avatar

The problem is we live in a patriarchy, and white youth and beauty are the standards by which all women are judged. As we age, women feel as if they're becoming invisible. Getting hired at any job is significantly more challenging for women over 50 than it is for men, even more so for women of color. I lost both of my careers right before turning 50. I'm 12 years into an ongoing attempt at resetting. I wrote a whole book about it, but the publisher couldn't figure out how to promote it to the huge audience of women over 50. Their PR person was in her 20s and she seemed annoyed at even having to consider promoting the book. I paid my own way to Book Fair to do a book signing in their booth.

I was a finalist on a national TV show for a DIY Competition (unrelated to the book) and the male host (who was my age, BTW) asked me on-air how it felt to be on the show with 'so many younger women.' I felt fine, but apparently the producers had some issues. They fired their older female host during this weeks long competition and the male host was released a couple of years later. For women in TV and Film, the pressure is far more intense. That's why Demi Moore (who is a year older than me) looks like she's 50, she has had significant amounts of architectural preservation. Not that I fault anyone for that, because I absolutely do not, but it is an interesting juxtaposition to the message of the film.

I have not acquiesced to these archaic, ageist standards, yet I have struggled regardless. Getting back on track professionally, even with my skills and experience, has not worked out for me as of yet. Even here on Substack, being an older female writer has proven challenging. So, to answer your question, yes, it is as bad as it seems. I don't feel compelled to be anything other than who I am, though occasionally with pink hair should the mood strike. I have never lied about my age or seen it as a negative, I'm aging DISgracefully and unapologetically. I'm not alone, and none of us are going gentle into that good night.

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Lilian Fombrun's avatar

Thank you for this post, which represents our reality as women. I like Coco Chanel’s opinion that we are irresistible as we age. I don’t plan to get any surgery and will age naturally. As we age we seem to become invisible to the opposite sex. But it’s fine. I’m experiencing life now as grandma and my kids lovingly call me glamma. This ageism and sexism is a challenge though!

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